HOCKEE NIGHT - The Malört of Hockey Blogs


Finally, this series gets a game that doesn't go to overtime and yet it ended up being more painful to watch than any extra stanza we've endured. The Blackhawks seemed content to sit on the early lead handed to them by Ryan Miller's generous five hole and absorbed St. Louis pressure the rest of the night eventually claiming an empty net goal to seal a 2-0 win. This one was all Corey Crawford - the little starting goalie who (according to 98% of the hockey world) couldn't. 
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Puckcast: The Countess of Corsi

Tonight's Puckcast features Jen LC from Second City Hockey.  Jen's pretty much the Blackhawks blogosphere's foremost expert on advanced hockey stats, so naturally we spend most of our time talking about the most juvenile topics imaginable, including:

  • Hot zebra action
  • Hitler's birthday and Nazis we have known
  • Jen's terrible secret: she actually DOES watch the games!
  • Twitter idiots
  • Roman Polak bear riding his tricycle
  • A sneak preview of Fork's Top 10 List for The Committed Indian.
  • Terrible Chicago hockey players.
  • And various stuff about the Hawks/Blues series

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Or a knee to the knee, as it were. The two major talking points coming out of today's game will be Bryan Bickell's best Dustin Brown imitation and Brent Seabrook's shoulder to the head of Captain David Backes. That's hockey in the modern era. All the flash and talent in the world won't be able to scream louder than a dirty hit where someone got hurt. Maybe a part of Bickell is thankful Seabrook leveled the Blues' captain but both plays were inexcusable.  << MORE >>

VIOLENCE OF THE RED SEA - Blues 4, Hawks 3 (3OT)

We're going to have to settle in for this long stretch of Hatecapping. Now, I was hoping for a nice, tidy three period contest but naturally we had to kick this thing off with a multiple overtime, grabber-inducing, bowel-evacuating thrill ride. Yes, the Blues are trash merchants from a riverside tolkienesque Hellscape but this is essentially Hatecap Hannukkah (yes, I know Hanukkah has eight nights). Everyone knows you might get festive pencils on night one. 
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It's playoff time again, so once more the Hockeenight Mathletes have been released from the gym lockers where they had been stuffed, and they've been crunching the numbers on the first-round matchup between the Chicago Blackhawks and St. Louis Blues.

Here's the results of their analysis.

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PUCKCAST: Playoff Preview

Tonight it's just Fork and Chris Block from The Third Man In.

We discuss:

  • The IceHogs
  • TEUVO!
  • Stephen Johns
  • Kevin Hayes pooping elsewhere
  • Martin Brodeur
  • Playoff predictions
Those of you who bitch about the times when we talk a lot about hockey, bitch away.

Everyone else, enjoy.

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Capital Crapfest: Blackhawks 0, Caps 4


Tonight the Blackhawks, who are locked into 3rd place in Conference III, played a hockey game. That game was against Alex Ovechkin and the golf course-bound Washington Capitals. Hopefully, you had something better to do than to watch this game.
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Even Siberia Goes Through The Motions: Blackhawks 3, Canadiens 2 (OT)

When I was young, and I started my love affair with the game of hockey, games between the Chicago Blackhawks and Montreal Canadiens were always the ones you looked forward to. My dad and I would either watch the games that were being played in the Montreal Forum, or listen to Lloyd Pettiit call the games from Chicago Stadium on the radio. They played twice for the Stanley Cup, and we went to a movie theater to watch on closed circuit. They were always exciting games, real nail-biters.

How things have changed.

Tonight saw two teams pretty much locked into their playoff positions, basically playing to avoid injuries. There was no score until the third period, and neither side seemed to have a hell of a lot of interest, then they realized nobody would get mad if they started scoring. Marian Hossa tied it with less than 50 seconds left in regulation, then Patrick Sharp put a handsome bow on the game, scoring in overtime to give the Hawks a 3-2 victory in their final regular season game in Fort Kickass.

Let's get to this:

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Hockeenight & Madhouse Enforcer Redefine the Puckcast

On tonight's Puckcast, Fork and CT welcome back James Neveau of NBC5's MadHouse Enforcer for an evening of intelligent hockey talk and family-friendly comedy.

Nah, here's what we actually talked about:

  • Demolition Derbies
  • CT almost fights a raccoon to the death.
  • What does Ken Hitchcock have in common with the early pioneers? The answer may surprise you.
  • Several visits to Urbandictionary.com
  • We have our new playoff anthem!
  • But it's a surprise.
  • Breaking news!
  • Mickey Rooney is dead.
  • Also, various hockey talk. If that's why you're here.
  • It isn't.

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ON WITH THE BUSINESS - Blackhawks 4, Blues 2

Another national telecast featuring the Blues and Blackhawks in which the entire topic of conversation is around which player will die due to overzealous frothy-mouthed physicality. Of course the narrative since the Brooks Orpik hit that ended Jonathan Toews' regular season has been that the defending Cup champions can no longer be considered contenders because of their lack of traditional response (read: why didn't they try to kill someone).  << MORE >>
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